Earlier this week, architect-lawyer and rat-lizard Robert Musumeci was once again in the news, after plans for a three-bedroom residence on ODZ land in the rural area of Binġemma were submitted to the Planning Authority. Reacting to the reports, Musumeci defended his plans by saying they were technically within the law.
Using his reasoning, if something is legal, then you should do it. Here are 10 horrible things Robert Musumeci probably does because they aren’t against the law.
Driving in the pouring rain and drenching a pedestrian walking along the pavement instead of slowing down
“I was driving at the speed limit so I did nothing wrong.”
Queue jumping
“I’ve seen other people cut in line before, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to do it too?”
Mooring your yacht in a bay and playing terrible music at full blast
“I think you’ll find I’m playing Bon Jovi’s ‘It’s My Life’ at 0.001 decibels under the maximum level allowed by law.”
Honking impatiently at the car in front of you at a busy roundabout
“I don’t care if she’s just got her license and is a bit hesitant. I’ve got places in ODZ I need to go fuck up.”
Never tipping when you go to a restaurant
“Until it’s written into law that I have to tip the wait staff, I’m not giving someone extra money simply for bringing me my food.”
Depositing 20 cheques at once at the ATM when there’s a queue of people behind you
“If you don’t want me to make everyone wait, you should make cheques illegal.”
Opening things at a supermarket but not buying them
“Show me in the Constitution where it says I can’t open a packet of Frosties and put it back on the shelf. Oh, you’re kicking me out of the supermarket? That’s a breach of my human rights!”
Having an orgy with five prostitutes and then giving your wife chlamydia
“I don’t know why you’re filing for divorce. I haven’t broke the law.”
Leaving an empty trolley at the far end of the supermarket carpark
“I cannot be arrested therefore this is a totally OK thing to do. Plus you already kicked me out so double jeopardy probably comes into play somehow.”
Naming your child Redeemer
“As long as it isn’t a really stupid name, I can give my child whatever name I want, no matter how ridiculous it sounds or how likely it is he’ll be bullied.
(Sincere apologies to all Redeemers reading this)
Bonus: Buying only one maqrut
Buying fewer than two mqaret is so unheard of, so abominable, that this is probably the first time you’re seeing the word in its disgusting singular form. To be honest, even someone as loathsome as Robert Musumeci probably wouldn’t stoop that low.
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