A total of 17 Maltese people were executed in St George’s Square in Valletta this morning after they wrote ‘Wedding It’ on social media.
Writing ‘Wedding it’ to announce that you are either getting married or, more commonly, attending a wedding has been punishable by death in Malta since 2018. And while the use of the phrase has decreased since the law was passed, it can still be seen on Facebook and Instagram.
The executions by beheading were carried out on a specially constructed platform in the square to give the crowd of onlookers maximum visibility.
“You’d think decapitation would be enough of a deterrent to stop people using such an irritating and grammatically incorrect phrase. But apparently, some people would rather lose their heads than go to a wedding without making a big song and dance about it. Wow, going to watch your friends get hitched in Malta between the months of May and September. What a unique experience that the world needs to know about,” said the masked, anonymous executioner after carrying out the sentences on the predominantly female group of condemned.
“You know, I don’t enjoy doing this, but if people insist on treating the word ‘wedding’ like a gerund rather than the common noun it is, then I have no choice but to continue filling the gutters of this square with their blood.”
When ‘wedding it’ is combined with ‘this one/this beauty/him/her’, a blunt axe is used.
Human rights groups have repeatedly expressed their support for Malta’s harsh anti-wedding-it law.
“While we are usually against capital punishment, this stupid fucking phrase must be stamped out at all costs. As a result, no punishment is too harsh. Kill them. Kill them all,” said a spokesperson for Amnesty International.
