Last week, it was revealed that the government is in advanced talks to give hunters authority over the Miżieb and L-Aħrax areas.
As the government is seemingly willing to give hunters anything they want, the only thing limiting the latter is their own imagination. Here are a few things they could probably get from the state if they asked for them…
Free ammunition
Hunting can be quite an expensive delizzju, with a box of shotgun shells costing up to €20. Then there’s gun oil, dog food and the latest in camouflage fashion to consider too.
If hunters asked for it, they would definitely be able to get subsidised ammo. After all, if the government can give families free childcare, it can also give free gun care. Gvern li jisma’.
Fighter planes
Not like a Typhoon or one of those other Ewrosfakers fighter jets. All the gadgets and advanced weaponry on a modern aircraft would be unnecessary anyway. No, a squadron of Spitfires armed with Browning machine guns would be more than enough to shoot entire flocks of turtledoves out of the sky.
All flight training would be provided free-of-charge by the government, of course. Trainee pilots would just have to watch out for other hunters who mistake them for large birds.
Coffee machines
Hunters wake up at the crack of dawn so they can target birds while they’re migrating. This means they must consume copious amounts of caffeine to make sure they can shoot at anything that moves.
Sure, a hunter could bring a flask of coffee from home, but wouldn’t it be better if the government installed coffee vending machines in all popular hunting spots? Never mind Netflix and chill. Lavazza and kill is where it’s at.
And of course, the government would need to pass electricity cables to power those vending machines. No problem at all – anything for the delizzju and those sweet sweet hunting votes.
Permission to shoot one activist per season
If there’s one thing hunters hate, it’s activists from NGOs like Birdlife and CABS spying on them and reporting them to the police. How dare these hippies always try to interfere when hunters are clearly capable of policing themselves?
If the government gave hunters permission to shoot one activist per season, this would have the two-fold advantage of reducing the activist population, and discouraging others from joining NGOs. Hunters would then be free to decide whether to cook or stuff and mount the offending hunter-hater, or maybe trap it and keep it in a cramped cage.
Gozo
Gozo is practically a hunters’ fiefdom already, so the government may as well crown Clint Camilleri king and declare the entire island as a kill zone. With its panoramic views, the Cittadella could be turned into a massive dura.
To make sure no one can interrupt the blessed delizzju, the Malta-Gozo channel could be filled with sea mines and a giant 10-story-high ‘PRIVATE NO ENTRY’ sign erected on Comino facing Ċirkewwa.
