The X Factor Malta judges are looking forward to discovering the country’s next big Eurovision disappointment.
Howard Keith, Ira Losco, Ray Mercieca and Alex Alden will all be returning as judges when the show returns later this year to choose an artist to represent Malta in the bottom half of the Eurovision table.
“As the best record producer in Malta and probably the world, I have a great knack for spotting which singer will woo local viewers with their soaring vocals only to be undone by poor song choice, neighbour voting and being 500th in the running order,” said Howard Keith.
“When I was receiving all the hatred from the Maltese rabble just for being honest I often thought, ‘Is all this worth it?’ Then I watched as the people’s choice came 16th and I realised, “Yes, yes it was,” said Alex Alden, adding that this article would probably suck and that Karl Stennienibarra should maybe go home and sign up to a writing course.
“I’ve really missed stuffing onions down my bra so I can break into tears while giving someone unrealistic expectations,” Ira Losco said.
“Cor blimey guv’nor, I can’t wait to don my sunglasses and hat and talk like a cheeky Cockney chappy despite not having lived in the UK for 40 years.” said Ray Mercieca, offering this journalist a bowl of jellied eels.
“Malta win Eurovision? Leave it out, me old china!” he added.
Host Ben Camille will also be returning to inexplicably continue earning a living.
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