A warm, cosy bed is celebrating its victory over its owner’s new year’s resolution to start jogging in the morning.
Steve Micallef, 29, from Attard, made a resolution at the end of last year to wake up early in the morning and go jogging around Ta’ Qali before going to work.
However, upon waking up at 6:30 am today, Micallef failed to get up, instead getting out of bed an our later.
Shortly after, Micallef’s bed declared victory over the new year’s resolution.
Describing the battle, the bed said:
“Skirmishing began when Steve’s alarm went off. This was meant to be the resolution’s signal for him to leave me, put a t-shirt, shorts and trainers, and start jogging.
“However, unbeknownst to the resolution, I had made a secret pact with the alarm, which distracted Steve with the snooze button. This caused him to stay in bed for a further 10 minutes, weakening his resolve.
“I then ensnared the resolution in a soft, comfy pincer movement between the forces of Lieutenant Mattress and Field Marshall Quilt, with Colonel Pillow providing support. He never stood a chance.”
The bed admitted last night’s thunderstorm had played a part in its victory.
“It is true the heavy rain and low temperature were decisive factors. But some of history greatest battles – the English victory over the Spanish Armada, Napoleon’s defeat against the Russians, the D-Day landings – were aided in no small part by the weather, so I am in good company.”
In a statement following its defeat, the jogging resolution acknowledged the folly of trying to beat a warm, cosy bed in winter, adding that it had begun negotiating an alliance with the Couch To 5K app in readiness for a new attack in summer.
