The infernal region of Hell has disassociated itself from Mount Carmel hospital.
Satan’s domain was responding to claims made by patients admitted to Mount Carmel that their stay at Malta’s psychiatric hospital was “Hell”.
“Following several reports in the media, we would like to clarify that we are not connected in any way whatsoever with Mount Carmel or its running,” a spokesdemon for Hell told Bis-Serjetà.
“While Hell is obviously depressing and the smell of sulphur can be overwhelming, it is not dirty or dilapidated, and all the toilets have flushing. Furthermore, every torture chamber has a large window from where the wailing souls of the damned can look out onto the lake of fire.
“That a crumbling Victorian asylum is still being used in 2021 is wholly on the Maltese government. Nothing to do with us down here,” the spokesdemon concluded, adding that the only presence Hell had in Malta was the Catholic Church, and Maltapost.
Responding to Hell’s statement, the government reiterated its commitment to building an alternative to Mount Carmel by 2025.
“We’d finish it sooner but it isn’t a road or a fake university on ODZ land, so you know, priorities.”
If you need to speak to someone about mental health issues, get in touch with The Richmond Foundation.
