God has broken his silence on prominent River Of Love member Matthew Grech’s cover version of the song ‘Jerusalema’, calling it ‘cringe’.
Grech, who often speaks out against homosexuality, contraception and abortion, released a music video last week, in which he sings and dances around Birgu accompanied by fellow worshippers Daichan Galea and Nevice Gatt.
The Almighty said he was enjoying a relaxed Sunday in Heaven when the Angel Gabriel showed him the Youtube video.
“Where do I even start? It’s totally cringe from Alpha to Omega. I could barely get to the end of it. But let’s begin with Matthew’s plea to make Malta an island famous for worshipping Me. Like the rest of the world doesn’t already know Malta is full of bible thumpers,” God said.
“Then there’s his fleece hoodie. Is he intentionally trying to look like a sheep? Oh hang on, he’s suggesting he’s a lamb in my flock, isn’t he? Extra cringe.”
Moving on to the music itself, God criticised the heavy use of autotune.
“Look I’m not some purist who’s totally against autotune. But for the love of Me, don’t cover the entire song in it. What is this, 2008?”
Even the song’s lyrics did not escape the Lord’s ire.
“He says I’m ‘l-aqwa mexxej u salvatur’, but everyone knows that’s Dom Mintoff.”
The Lord also noted that Jesus Christ is credited on the song as being the trio’s manager.
“I’ll be having words with JC. We have a reputation to uphold. We manage people like Kanye, not this weirdo.”
God said he hoped Grech had asked for permission to cover the song, originally by South African musician Master KG.
“Contrary to what people like Matthew think, I really don’t mind the gays, but there’s a special place in hell for people who infringe copyright.”
God also made a personal appeal to Grech.
“Please stop telling people we know each other. You’re giving me a bad name.”
