Scientists working in the Labour Party’s genetic-engineering laboratory have been forced to shoot and kill a newly formed supporter, after it expressed a non-partisan thought.
Around 20 percent of Labour supporters are created in the party’s laboratory, located in the basement of its headquarters in Hamrun. The state-of-the-art facility can produce as many as 50 new diehard supporters per day.
“After yesterday’s Covid press conference, we got an order for a new batch of akkaniti to discredit the journalists who asked tough questions,” said chief scientist Professor Brian Deguara.
“We genetically program the akkaniti to have extremely limited cognitive functions, so they’re only about to say things such as ‘Prosit ministru’ or ‘Aħna warajk Prim’,” Prof Deguara explained, adding that fully grown akkaniti are taken out of their incubation tanks aged 40 or older, to ensure maximum stupidity.
“Everything was proceeding normally… that is until it was the turn of Akkanit #327 to be processed. No sooner had we removed his tubes when he opened his eyes wide and yelled, ‘Covid-19 could have been managed better and Robert Abela needs to shoulder responsibility for his mistakes!’ Fucking nightmare scenario, but when you artificially produce 350 braindead morons a week, you’re bound to get a dud at some point.”
This prompted Prof. Deguara to quickly unholster his emergency pistol and eliminate #327 with a gunshot to the back of head.
“It’s always hard to kill your creations like this, but the last time we allowed a rogue akkanit to live, he became chairman of the National Book Council and caused us no end of trouble.”
Reacting to the news, the Nationalist Party said:
“We usually dispose of our defective akkaniti with a flamethrower. It’s much more thorough.”
