Tourism Minister Clayton Bartolo has announced a plan to kidnap people from abroad and bring them to Malta as tourists.
During a press conference this afternoon, Bartolo said the kidnapping scheme would be a back-up plan in case the plan to pay tourists to come to Malta did not work.
“Our ingenious idea of redistributing public money into the pockets of hoteliers…erm, I mean, enticing tourists to the country…is bound to succeed. Our research shows that when prospective tourists are deciding on a destination, the deciding factor isn’t the quality of a country’s touristic offering, but who will give them 50 euro. To be exact, we asked some Maltese people, but you can easily extrapolate our findings to the rest of the world,” Bartolo said.
“But in case that doesn’t work, Plan B is to bring tourists here a bit more forcefully.”
Bartolo explained that teams of specialised ‘tourist extractors’ would be sent to major European cities like London. There, they would abduct people off the streets, bundle them into the back of a van, and put them on an Air Malta flight.
“Once in Malta, we’ll leave them in Buġibba or Paceville where they can savour everything the country has to offer. We won’t be paying for their flights back, though,” the minister said, adding that he was inspired by the CIA’s rendition program.
The plan also comes with its own tag-line: ‘Malta: whether you like it or not’.
“And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just hijack planes bound for other Mediterranean destinations and re-route them here.”
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