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ABBA pledges to send newborn baby to every household

Karl Stennienibarra

Right-wing Christian party ABBA has pledged to give a newborn baby to every household in Malta.

The staunchly pro-life party said that babies were a gift from God that everyone deserved to have.

“No matter who you are, how old you are or what you are doing in life, a baby is always welcome,” said ABBA’s chairman Ivan Grech Mintoff, adding that the scheme would not be means-tested.

“Not only that, but not on one will be allowed to opt out. Why would anyone turn down a precious little miracle?” he asked

Asked where the party would get the newborn babies from, Grech Mintoff said:

“All females in Malta will be placed under constant surveillance. If they get pregnant and show any signs they are contemplating having an abortion, our team will swoop in and take the women into custody. We will then keep them in our care until they give birth, after which we will transfer the newborn baby to the new household. Moreover, the four female members of ABBA have offered to supplement these babies by becoming vessels for my seed.”

Grech Mintoff confirmed that the receivers of the babies will not be given any support to raise them.

“Hand out free money? What do you think we are, socialists?” he said.

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