Bis-Serjetà managing editor Karl Stennnienibarra has made an eleventh-hour decision to contest the general election.
Mr Stennienibarra, an immortal demi-god, demi-journalist, threw his hat into the ring in a press conference in front of the Auberge De Castille in Valletta this evening.
After pushing Arnold Cassola, who was moaning about something or other, off the steps, Mr Stennienibarra said he would be contesting on all districts. Asked what his proposals were, he said:
“Proposals? Erm, I don’t know… underground trackless aeroplanes that shoot €100 cheques at people? I’ll figure that out once I’m elected. Rest assured I will be using the same magic bottomless piggy bank that Labour and PN intend to use.”
Mr Stennienibarra added that, in anticipation of the impending nuclear war between NATO and Russia that would inevitably destroy the planet, he would also transfer the consciousness of everyone in Malta to the metaverse.
“Well, almost everyone. Joseph Portelli’s consciousness will be left to be vapourised along with his body. Otherwise he’ll just cover MetaMalta with massive apartment blocks, and we can’t have that. On the other hand, Aaron Farrugia can come, but his consciousness will be put into the body of a worm so his appearance more accurately reflects his personality.”
The Bis-Serjetà founder said there was one minor hurdle that potential voters had to overcome.
“The corrupt Electoral Commission has refused my application, arguing that it’s far too late to include my name on the ballot sheet, as if I give a crap about deadlines.
“Therefore, anyone wishing to vote for me on Saturday must add the name ‘Karl Stennienibarra’ to the ballot sheet themselves. But for the love of God do not write ‘Stagno Navarra’. Moreover, people voting in the sixth and seventh districts will get pjaċiri from me once I’m elected if they also write ‘F’ghoxx’ next to Ian Borg’s name.”
Mr Stennienibarra encouraged his supporters to share this article and announce their intentions to vote for him before the Day Of Silence on Friday.
“I will definitely be respecting this time-honoured electoral tradition and will not be attempting to get around it in any way,” he said, adding that would be spending the day playing Tropico 6 – a satirical city-builder videogame – to get experience in managing a banana republic
