Just 40 days after being appointed as the new CEO of Infrastructure Malta, professional referee Trustin Farrugia Cann realised that he actually Cann’t, and promptly resigned.
With the search for a new CEO now underway, Bis-Serjetà takes a look at who could be the next man, cyborg or ancient diety to lead Malta’s road-building agency.
Sauron
As Farrugia Cann found out, only a truly evil being can follow in the footsteps of Fredrick Azzopardi, and there are few more evil than Sauron.
Robert Abela would surely love the sight of the new IM CEO crushing Moviment Graffitti members with his giant mace as he stomps through agricultural land. Now we just need to find out what ‘Ix-xogħol irid isir’ is in The Black Speech.
Also the roads in Mordor looked pretty well built, to be fair.
Darth Vader
The Sith lord has the advantage of prior experience leading a Maltese public entity, having had a stint as CEO of the Planning Authority in 2019, before moving into the private sector with Db Group the following year.
Vader is also no stranger to massive infrastructure projects like the Death Star, and using those projects to make people’s lives worse. What’s more, his projects tend to have fatal design flaws, so he’d fit right in at Infrastructure Malta.
One downside from the government’s perspective would be his lack of mercy towards those who fail at their jobs, which could see several road contractors force-choked due to shoddy workmanship. And judging by how Vader ended up dealing with his former boss Darth Sidious, even Aaron Farrugia might not be safe from being chucked down a shaft.
Zombie Dragut
Admittedly somewhat of an outsider due to the technical effort required to resurrect him. But the reanimated corpse of the scourge of the Mediterranean in the 16th century was known for his ruthlessness, a vital quality in any potential new CEO of IM.
Given that if often feels like Infrastructure Malta is assaulting the country with its works, who better to lead it than a master of siegecraft?
And despite his past, he might be accepted by the people, since a survey in 2020 showed he would be a more popular prime minister than Adrian Delia.
Joseph Muscat
Fuck it, might as well, seeing as he’s on the road to rehabilitation thanks to Malta’s media.
David Walliams
Sure, he (probably) knows nothing about managing a country’s infrastructure, but the British comedian already has experience of being paid hundreds of thousands of euros’ worth of Maltese taxpayers’ money for doing lacklustre work. And when there are demands to alter the plans of a controversial project like the proposed Msida flyover, he could reply “Computer says no.”
Joseph Portelli
Another Joseph and another ‘fuck it’ candidate. The government already lets him build whatever he wants, so giving him the reigns to manage Malta’s roads and redirect them all to his various projects isn’t much more of a stretch. Making him PA Chairman might be too obvious, so this would be a good compromise for his puppets in government.
