Gordon Manché has filed a police report against himself.
After filing reports against lay-about Matthew Bonanno, comedian Daniel Galea and artistic director Sean Buhagiar, the River Of Love pastor appears to have turned his guns on his own person.
“I use an app on my phone to monitor my sleep cycle, which also records audio clips of my snoring and when I talk in my sleep,” Manché told Bis-Serjetà.
When I woke up this morning and read the review from the previous night, it said I talked quite a bit. Among the things I said were, “I’m a naughty little cock muncher”, “Jesus Christ’s abs are so hot”, and “Please Matthew, let me gargle on your yummy cum.”
It is unclear whether the last statement refers to Matthew Bonanno, renowned for having a 10-inch-long penis, or River Of Love devotee and “ex gay” Matthew Grech.
“Nighttime Gordon Manché’s comments were blasphemous, insulting and defamatory to me, daytime Gordon Manché, and therefore I had no choice but to seek legal redress. I can tell you that the police on duty at the Sliema station were delighted to see me once again. I overheard them exclaim in a religious way – ‘Kristu Madonna, dak il-proxxmu ta’ baqra reġa’ ġie’. Or at least that’s what I think they said.”
Manche also reported that he woke up to find his underwear covered in a “white glue-like substance”.
“I believe this has nothing to with the aforementioned sleep talking, but is some form of anointing oil left by the Holy Spirit to show that God is on my side.
Hi everyone – Matthew (Bonanno) here. Aside from his reports against Galea and Buhagiar in recent days, Manché has also reported me again, this time for writing “Fuck Manché” in a post. While no charges have been issued yet, it seems reports filed against me are becoming the norm. Just this month I’ve received two other threats of legal action because of Bis-Serjetà posts.
With that in mind, below is a link to my legal fund, which I am using for the ‘carpet bombing’ case, and any future cases that may arise. Thank you for your support of satire and free speech.
