Ivan Grech Mintoff has successfully infiltrated a secret gay orgy that took place after the EuroPride parade.
The leader of the fundamentalist Christian party ABBA said he heard about the orgy while at Saturday’s parade in Valletta.
“I was there, in disguise of course, to take photos of scantily clad people to show what a depraved, sinful event it was. At one point, while I was adjusting my red leather chaps, I overheard two homosexual men talk about an exclusive orgy happening after Christina Aguilera’s performance,” Grech Mintoff told Bis-Serjetà.
“They mentioned there would be ‘little ones’ there, so as you can imagine I jumped at the chance to finally expose the paedophilic tendencies of the LGBT-whatever community. I won’t go into the details of what I had to do to behind the portaloos to get an invite, but sacrifices must be made.”
His invitation secured, Grech Mintoff made his way to the sprawling Madliena villa where the orgy was due to take place. Once there, he said he went from room to room, asking the approximately 100 attendees where he could find the children.
“They looked at me as if I was some kind of monster, obviously because I was interrupting their unspeakable acts. But I know the poor, innocent children had to be there somewhere, so I steeled myself and kept searching.”
Grech’s search was ended abruptly by the police, who were called to the villa after the orgy’s participants became concerned by Grech Mintoff’s behaviour.
“How was I to know that ‘little ones’ referred to a pair of German dwarves famous for their act of inserting toy trains into each other’s rectums?” Grech Mintoff was heard telling officers as they led him out of the building.
After being released without charge, the ABBA leader said this would not be the end of his fight to reveal the truth about the LGBTIQ community.
“I may have been foiled this time, but I’ll get those sneaky gays if it’s the last thing I do.”
