Malta’s Meteorological Office says it is yearning for a “big fucking thunderstorm”.
With the current spell of unseasonably warm weather showing no signs of abating, the heavy storms that characterise autumn in Malta have yet to materialise.
“Can this 25 degrees in mid-November bullshit kindly fuck off? We want a big fucking medicane that will fuck shit up right now,” said Met Office spokesperson Rachel Micallef.
“And I don’t mean an hour of rain before it goes back to being sunny again, either. No – a whole day of chaos that we can watch unfold on Facebook and Instagram. Menacing black clouds. Severe flooding. People abandoning their cars as they float down Valley Road. Buildings getting struck by lightning. Gale-force winds uprooting trees and tossing water-tank lids around like fucking frisbees. Real apocalyptic shit, you know?”
Micallef added that the aftermath of such thunderstorms was just as enjoyable as the storm itself.
“Quite a few new roads have been constructed recently, and we want to see Aaron Farrugia get crucified because they weren’t built with proper drainage systems,” she said.
“Oh, wait, hang on a minute – I’m just seeing the forecast for tomorrow and it won’t actually be sunny. It’s happening! Oh, never mind, just overcast. God fucking damn it.”
