A man has demoted a pair of old boxer shorts to the status of ‘only to be used in emergencies’.
The five-year-old pair of boxer shorts lost its place among the regular rotation after the man’s mother bought him a three-pack set of briefs for Christmas.
The man, Mark Portelli, 30, from Rabat, carried out the relegation during a ceremony in his bedroom.
“Let this be a lesson to all of you on the ravages of time – one day you are the pride of the underwear drawer, and the next your elastic has gone and your colour has faded,” Portelli said.
“But be that as it may, do not despair. For there will come a time when I am in one of my slothful moods and neglect to do washing for more than a week, or put a load on but then forget to take it out and have to wash it again. Then you will once again feel the warmth of my genitals on your frayed fabric, even if I in turn feel a great sense of shame while putting you on,” he added.
The man also reminded the pair of tattered boxers that its fate could have been worse.
“I could still be living at home, where my mother would have turned you into a cleaning rag. Or you could be an old sock, consigned to the dustbin for the crime of having a hole in you, leaving your partner widowed and used thenceforth for unspeakable acts.”
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