The entire town of Birkirkara has been closed to carry out essential maintenance.
As of 8:30am, all roads leading into and out of Birkirkara, which has a population of 24,356, were cordoned off by the local council.
In a statement, the council said any inhabitants who left for work this morning will not be allowed back in until further notice, while those still in their homes are not permitted to leave under any circumstances.
“The closure is necessary to facilitate essential maintenance work that needed to be done urgently. That includes fixing potholes, unblocking drains, cleaning the facades of buildings, and repairing street furniture. It certainly has nothing to do with any radioactive waste that may have been spilled. Whatever gave you that idea?” said Birkirkara mayor Joanne Debono Grech while wearing a hazmat suit.
Debono Grech said that “ground zero” of the maintenance work was the area around the McDonald’s on Valley Road.
“Seriously though, this is all above board and there is no risk of contamination. Who mentioned contamination?” she said, as what looked like body bags were taken out of the McDonald’s and put into the back of an unmarked van.
“Oh that? That’s just a big takeaway order for the council. We love us a McDonald’s breakfast. Have you ever had an Egg McMuffin? Delicious!
“Anyway, we apologise for any inconvenience caused and hope things will return to normal within the next 138 days, which by sheer coincidence is the half-life of polonium-210.”
