As you may have seen, we ask our regular readers to give us a little monthly donation on Paypal to make sure this website can keep going in the long term. But you may be wondering what exactly we plan to spend your donations on. In the spirit of Joseph Muscat’s list of gifts being published earlier this week, here are six things that Karl Stennienibarra will spend your donations on.
Boozy lunches at Da Pippo
Da Pippo Trattoria in Valletta is the restaurant of choice for many a Maltese MP. Currently, Karl gets most of his political scoops from a mysterious cloaked figure who he meets every Thursday evening down one of the capital’s seedier back alleys. He would much prefer to ply his journalistic trade over wine-soaked seafood lunches.
Holidays to Dubai
To be frank, Karl has not had a proper break in a very long time, and yearns to imitate Joseph Muscat and fly Emirates First Class to somewhere completely classless and nouveau-douchey like Dubai.
Bitcoins or whatever
If this whole serious journalism thing doesn’t work out, Karl would like to become a crypro-wanker, possibly becoming a consultant to Silvio Schembri and reviving the now-defunct dream of Blockchain Island. The only thing is he doesn’t currently own any crypto-currency and knows next to nothing about the sector.
Lawsuits against people who call us fake news
At the start of the week, we were forced to threaten Paul Vincenti and his Gift Of Life group with legal action, after they accused us of being fake news. Luckily, Mr Vincenti backed down and aborted his claim before we needed to call upon the legal bastardry of Franco Debono. But this was not the first time that someone has dared to imply that our reporting is fictitious, and there may come a day when we must act decisively to defend our good name.
The Malta Independent
No, not just a copy of the newspaper, but the whole company. If you’re thinking that we couldn’t possibly afford it, you should know The Independent is currently valued at €53 and a packet of Twistees.
We aren’t sure what exactly we’d do with Malta’s most unnecessary news website. Possibly turn it into a permanent online shrine to Doris Borg – the 100-year-old prostitute who we interviewed in 2012 and who arguably made us a household name in 10 households.
A fucking proofreader
Because you all know we need one
