Karl Stennienibarra
MEP candidate Cami Appelgren filled 50 bin bags with useless politicians during a clean-up of parliament this evening.
Armed with giant claw-like litter pickers, the Swede and her small band of volunteers stormed the parliament building in Valletta, and quickly set about catching ministers, parliamentary secretaries, backbenchers and Opposition MPs, and stuffing them into extra-large bin bags.
“Some were harder to remove than others,” Appelgren said while speaking in front of Parliament after the clean-up had finished.
“It took three of us to get Joseph Muscat into a bag because he kept slipping out. He’s greasier than an oil spill. In the end we managed to make him stop resisting by chucking an autobiography of Tony Blair in there as well,” she said as Konrad Mizzi escaped from his own bag while yelling “I do not exist!”
“I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this,” she sighed, before firing a taser at the Tourism Minister.
“Some of them we didn’t bother with because they’ve practically fossilised by now,” she said, referring to longest-serving MPs Joe Mizzi and Anton Refalo, as well as Nationalist MPs Edwin Vassallo and Tonio Fenech.
“Besides, Mizzi is pretty harmless. Like a gerbil.”
As members of Partit Demokratiku, whose ticket Appelgren is running on, Marlene and Godfrey Farrugia were also spared.
“Godfrey still burst out crying in fear even though he knew we weren’t going to bag him,” Appelgren said.
The Swede said the Maltese public needed to be more aware of the long-term damage a politician could do once voted into parliament.
“Take that one over there,” Appelgren said while pointing at a wriggling refuse sack containing Silvio Schembri. “He may look new and shiny now, but in 30 years’ time he would’ve still been in there, clinging onto his seat and causing all sorts of trouble.
“So please, think twice before a voting for a single-use MP.”
Asked what she intended to do with all the politicians, Appelgren said she would be handing them out to be reused as doorstops.
