Maltese media outlets eager to get page views are willing the Coronavirus to arrive in Malta, after a case of the virus was reported in nearby Sicily today.
Coronavirus panic has been increasing in the country ever since the virus, also known as COVID-19, spread to Italy. With a woman now being diagnosed in Palermo, hysteria is reaching fever pitch.
“Oh boy, it’s nearly here. I can feel it. I can’t wait for us to write reaction pieces and listicles about it, and then reaction pieces about the reactions to the reaction pieces. And an article about Sarah Zerafa wearing a stylish face mask. I can hardly contain myself,” said Lovin Malta CEO Chris Peregin.
“We don’t normally descend to the same levels of clickbaity sensationalism as Lovin, but if people start fighting over food in supermarkets you can bet your ass we’ll be in the thick of it filming,” said Herman Grech from The Times.
“I’ve also rehired Ivan Camilleri to pocket a few essentials during the melee,” he added.
“If we pray hard enough, we’ll be the only news organisation left standing after all the other godless heathens are wiped out,” said Sylvana Debono, the editor-in-chief of the church-owned Newsbook.
“I already have several articles blaming Labour for the outbreak ready to go. I keep hovering my mouse cursor over the ‘Publish’ button and I can’t take it anymore,” said The Shift editor Caroline Muscat.
“Coronavirus can never arrive in Malta because, thanks to the government, we’re the healthiest country in the world. Besides, we still have Joseph’s protective aura surrounding us,” claimed ONE TV presenter Karl Stagno Navarra [no relation].
“Could someone just click one of our articles? That would be great,” said a writer from Guide Me Malta.
