The residents of St Julian’s are planning to organise a party to celebrate the cancellation of the St Patrick’s Day street party.
The decision to cancel came after the government banned largescale events as a precautionary measure against the spread of the Covid-19 coronavirus.
“It is with great sadness that I must announce that the St Patrick’s Day street party will not be taking place this year… Just kidding, I’m absolutely ecstatic,” said the town’s mayor, Albert Buttigieg.
“On the one hand, we’re all very worried about the coronavirus. But on the other…well, where do I begin? No crowds of obnoxious people blocking the roads, no mountains of rubbish, no dickheads pissing and vomiting against people’s doors. It feels like we’ve been spared from a different plague.
“Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against St Patrick’s Day itself, even though it has bugger-all to do with St Julian’s, the clue being in the name. Nevertheless, it used to be fun back when the worst behaviour you’d see in Paceville was someone snatching someone else’s Guinness hat off their head, or falling over while trying to do a jig after one too many Irish Car Bombs. But then – like all good things in Malta – the wankers moved in and ruined it.”
The Cancelled Party party will be ticketed and open only to residents of the town.
“Because of the government’s ban on events involving 2,000 or more people, we’ve set the limit at 1,999 guests. We still plan on getting shit-faced, but at least we probably won’t puke on our own doorsteps.
Meanwhile, the local council of Nadur has said it is hoping the Covid-19 outbreak carries on into next year.
