Two days ago, we published an article with the headline ‘Coronavirus in Malta is punishment for River Of Love, God confirms’.
Like every single one of our articles, it was based completely on fact. We arranged a Skype call with God, who took time out from eradicating pensioners to speak to us.
However, many people thought it was fake, and expressed their outrage in the comments sections of the various Facebook groups in which we posted the article, as we always do in an attempt to keep people informed.
Below are just a few of the hurtful comments we have had to endure these past two days. Unfortunately, the article was deleted from the Facebook group ‘MALTESE PEOPLE ABROAD’ before we could preserve those particular comments for future legal action, but here are the rest.
All spelling and punctuation errors have been preserved for the sake of accuracy. If you experience dizziness while trying to read the comments, dunk your head in a bucket of ice-cold water, and try again.
We also haven’t provided English versions of the comments in Maltese, as they are untranslatable. Not in the sense that they include linguistic quirks and idioms unique to Maltese, but because it’s difficult to make out what many of them are saying even in Maltese. We can only assume the people writing were in the middle of having a stroke, in which case we wish them a speedy recovery…
“Ija il mignun mohok..”
“Mur u stahba ximkien int…!!!”
“Jesus is LOVE not hate , do shut up Mr.zero”
“God will not be mocked. This is blatant blasphemy.”
“Dan min tah lawtorita biex jitkellem fuq alla bdan IL mod milux jitnellah bin nies”
“GOD NEVER PUNISHED PEOPLE U CRAZY MAN WHAT ABOUT U CRAZY ?”
“GET LOST” [same man as above]
“HIDE YOUR SELF” [same man again]
“GOD BLESS PAKISTAN GOD BLESS MALTA” [not the same man]
“God is faithful and gust be careful what you say he is a god of salvation you better repent”
“Vojt kollok . Mela alla jaghmel dawn l affarijiet. Isthi”
“Your the first to be punished, for not beleveing in our Mother Mary. Jesus’s Mother and for not believing in Jesus on the cross. You are afraid to enter our Catholic Church because you become demons. You and your hallelujah.”
“Jaq kemm int vojt”
“Yes God is Good .. But He is being offended to much, Especially the Killing of the innocent Baby’s.” (‘The Baby’s what?’ we hear you ask? Alas, we’ll never know.)
“Never heard of this idiot Karl Stenienibarra [rude]. But he sure does talk a lot of bollocks. God whoever he is has nothing to do with this tragedy. Disasters like this and earthquakes and floods has happened throughout world history.”
“” God confirmed ” u hallijna.Bat jghidlek fl e mail jew sms. U jekk taqbad lilek punishment ukoll mela ghax int mazun !! U hallijna.Kompli zied il paniku ta.”
“Mal bniedem titkessah imma m Alla ma titkessahx..anzi jigi l jum meta tibda titrieghed quddiemu. Kull kelma bla sens li qed tghid fuq l poplu t Alla ghad trid tghati rendikont tieghu lil Alla dirett.”
U oqod kif ajejt lil kulhadd. Int jonqos issa
Alla jikastigana ghax haqna u haqna ghar raguni li lbnidem egoist u hlif poter u flus ma jarax !
“Lucija meta mietet tatu itra lil papa u jider li ma kienx hemm affarijiet zbieh .din littra tintiret min papa ghal iehor .tejd xkien xfija” [honestly no idea]
“Hawn hafna hazen go dinja u iridu imutu nies.”
“Fuck off busterd”
Frankly, the only way we can be cheered up after facing such an onslaught of aggression is if you donate to our Serious News Fund, thus ensuring we can carry on antagonising religious people for years to come.
