An aborted Maltese foetus has told Labour MP Jean Claude Micallef that it prefers being in Heaven over being down on earth.
The foetus, who wishes to be known as Bob, was terminated by a teenage Maltese girl, who travelled to London in February to undergo the procedure.
“Seeing everything that’s been happening on earth for the past three months, all I can say is ‘bullet dodged’,” said Bob via Zoom from his cloud in the Upper East district of Heaven
“I’d like to reassure Jean Claude Micallef that it’s pretty sweet up here. For a start, there’s no Covid-19, or any disease. There’s also no Robert Abela speeches. Or any suffering at all, for that matter.
“I mean what’s not to love about eating manna and basking in the warm light of God all day, while hanging out with all the other aborted foetuses? And I’m not sure you can hear that beautiful sound in the background, but that’s angel song. It’s on constantly, but it never gets irritating. So like the complete opposite of electro-swing,” Bob added.
Asked if he bore any ill will towards the girl who decided to have him aborted, the foetus replied:
“No, none at all. There’s no way she could have taken proper care of me, and she would’ve seen me as a burden. Can you imagine how awful that must feel? And don’t get me started on these morons who say ‘Just put the kid up for adoption’. Have you seen the number of kids in the world languishing in care homes and orphanages? No thanks, Jean Claude.
“Also, God let’s us see what we would’ve been like if we had been born. Turns out I would’ve ended up doing a lot of nasty shit. Horrible, unspeakable things that would make Ian Borg and Silvio Schembri look like nice people. No, me being aborted was the best possible outcome for all concerned.”
