A cicada, or werżieq, has promised to shut the fuck up if someone asks how he’s doing today.
The male cicada is known for its loud, incessant drone, which can be heard throughout summer afternoons in Malta.
“Everyone thinks I’m annoying, but all I want is for someone to stop by my tree and ask me how I am today, instead of saying ‘F’għoxx dak il-werżieq kemm dejjaqli żobbi’. Is that too much to ask?” the cicada told Bis-Serjetà.
The insect denied it only made the sound as part of a mating ritual.
“I’m not like other cicadas. They only use their timbals [the organs on the insect’s exoskeleton that it uses to produce its trademark drone] to get laid. I want to get to know people, and I want them to ask me about my day. How much tree sap I’ve eaten, how many cats I’ve evaded. I feel like if I didn’t have huge eyes and translucent wings and was more brightly coloured, I’d be more popular, like ladybugs and butterflies.”
The cicada added it was writing a new song.
“The song is called ‘Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’. I’ll be trying out for X-Factor with it. Not that I think I stand much of a chance of winning, seeing as I’m not a teenage girl.”
