Malta’s top companies have banded together to tell people that they must earn their customer care, and not expect it automatically.
The group consists of both privately owned and public companies, including several telecomms companies, banks and government agencies.
“For too long we’ve stood by and watched you write mean things about us on Facebook groups like ‘Are You Being Served?’, implying the service we all give you is anything less than stellar,” Maltapost CEO Joseph Gafa told journalists at a press conference, where he was joined by executives of other oft-maligned Maltese companies.
“Well, enough is enough. We’re here to tell you ungrateful plebs that you must prove yourselves worthy of our customer care, instead of expecting us to give it to you just because you’ve paid for our goods and services.”
As an example, Gafa used common complaints about his own company, Maltapost.
“You only ever get in touch with us when your precious packages haven’t arrived, and then have the cheek to complain that we take too long to reply to your whiny emails. The least you could do is message us asking how we are every once in a while. If you did, maybe we wouldn’t hold on to your parcels for so long and then make you queue at the post office for an hour,” he added.
“To add insult to injury, you moan when our postal workers don’t ring your doorbell, and leave your parcels in weird places. We’re just trying not to wake you up from your 11am nap. And when we force things through the letterbox, you accuse us of damaging them. We can’t win.”
“We get these sorts of complains all the time. It’s like people don’t even realise we’re The World’s Local Bank and have to deal with millions of customers,” said HSBC Malta CEO Simon Vaughan Johnson.
“Yes, same here. So what if we sometimes lose customers’ direct debit forms, even though they were filled in by our staff in-store? Have they never lost anything? Stop holding us to an impossible standard,” Vodafone Malta CEO Sonia Hernandez chimed in.
“That’s nothing. Customers keep complaining to us that our technicians never arrive at the specified time. And this after they bitch incessantly that their internet keeps cutting. Can you imagine how arrogant you have to be to expect uninterrupted internet?” replied Melita CEO Harald Rösch.
“The other day, I saw a post on RUBS by a woman saying she’s still waiting for her refund six months after her flight was cancelled. I bet she never once offered to fly the plane so the pilot could have a rest,” added out-going Air Malta CEO Clifford Chetcuti.
Despite their frustrations, the companies agreed that customers threatening to switch to a competitor was highly amusing.
“Good luck getting your electricity from another company, you ungrateful bastards,” said ARMS Ltd CEO Silvio Scerri, to raucous laughter from the rest.
