A Maltese couple have thrown a gender-reveal party to reveal that their first child will be the son of Satan.
Gender reveal parties – in which parents-to-be announce the sex of their baby during a gathering of close friends and family – were first popularised in the US, and have now made their way to Malta.
However, guests who attended John Paul and Anthea Spiteri’s party at their home in San Gwann on Saturday said it was unlike anything they had ever experienced before.
“Everything was normal at first. Then they cut the cake, and instead of blue or pink filling, a swarm of cockroaches flew out,” said friend Carla Debono, adding that the lights began to flicker and the room echoed with the anguished wails of a thousand tortured souls.
“Anthea explained that she had not in fact been impregnated by John Paul, but by the Devil, who told her that their son would be known as the Beast from the Abyss, and that she should announce his impending arrival on earth – which would bring about the End Times – at a gender reveal party,” Debono added.
“I didn’t know Satan was keen on this sort of thing. It’s all a bit American isn’t it?” said Simon Falzon, another family friend whose girlfriend Lisa was sacrificed as part of the gender reveal ritual.
“I think Anthea would’ve preferred a princess of darkness, to be honest,” her mother told Bis-Serjetà.
