American Secretary of Defence Mark Esper arrived in Malta late last night to pick up a shipment of Kinnie and Twistees for President Donald Trump.
Speculation has been rife about the purpose of Esper’s visit, with rumours circulating about military agreements, as well as FBI investigations into money laundering.
But Bis-Serjetà can reveal that Esper’s mission is simply to oversee the transfer of 50 tons (18,000 packets) of Twistees and 1,000 gallons of Kinnie from Malta to the White House on board the Boeing C-17 transport plane that landed at Malta International Airport last night.
“The President absolutely adores Kinnie and Twistees. He’s called them ‘the most tremendous soda and snack in the entire world’,” a source inside the American embassy in Malta said, while pointing out that Esper would be making sure there were no packets of Tastees in the shipment.
“Trump thinks those are the crisps of the Radical Left.”
The source added that whenever embassy staff go back to the US and visit the White House, they are required to bring back a suitcase full of the cheesy crisps and bitter orange soft drink, if they want to avoid Trump’s ire.
“The last time I went back, I took 20 packets of Twistees. I was later told that he ate them all in one day, without sharing them with anyone. It’s why his skin is orange. And remember that time Melania was caught on camera swatting his hand away when he tried to hold hers? It’s because she didn’t want to get Twistees dust all over her dress.”
The source also said the President liked to down whole bottles of Kinnie and burp loudly in people’s faces.
“Why do you think so many of his staff have resigned?” the source said.
