22nd February, 2069
By the uploaded consciousness of Karl Stennienibarra
General Dnegel Borg has been proclaimed Supreme Leader of Earth and the Martian Colonies, following his decisive victory over Emperor Barron Trump that finally brings an end to the so-called First Space War.
Shortly after the decisive battle that took place high above the wastelands of the Disunited Kingdom between the space fleets of the Federation and the Empire, an armistice was signed on board Dnegel’s heavily damaged flagship thermocruiser, the FSS Mazza.
The defeated parties, Emperor Trump and his ally Mecha-Tsar Putin, were forced to relinquish command of their remaining forces and accept perpetual banishment to the Martian silicon mines of Scylla Scopulus.
The war started 10 years ago when Barron, son of former president Donald Trump, declared himself first emperor of the Neonazi States of America and invaded the Federation of Europe with the help of the NewSSR, whose leader Vladimir Putin had recently become 100% cyborg.
Over the course of the decade-long conflict, Dnegel proved himself to be an outstanding military strategist, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat several times. He himself attributes his toughness to being mercilessly bullied as a child.
The 50-year-old general, a man of few words who prefers to go by his first name so people don’t mistake him for a robot, was born on the Isle of Dust (formerly known as Malta), part of the Southern European Desert territories.
He is married to Shanizaya Buttigieg, the adopted daughter of American Resistance leader Peter Buttigieg, who unsuccessfully attempted to oust Donald Trump in 2020.
Supreme Leader Dnegel’s official coronation will take place tomorrow back on Earth, where people are calling him “the greatest human who ever lived.”
