Alternattive Demokratiku Partit Demokratiku (ADPD) members have been spotted at various supermarkets across Malta, gathering food as they prepare to disappear underground for another five years after the general election passes.
According to political biologists, the lifecycle of ADPD is characterised by near-total inactivity, only for it to briefly re-emerge and come to life once every five years. Typically, this occurs one week after a general election has been called.
During the election campaign, ADPD will meekly ask people to vote for it, relying on pity and the fact people who do not want to vote for PN and Labour have no other choice aside from abstaining or invalidating their vote.
Indeed, one of ADPD’s rallying cries this election has been ‘Don’t draw a penis – vote ADPD instead’.
“People say we’re inept, clueless and that we don’t know how to present ourselves. But the truth is that to communicate your ideas to the masses you need hundreds of thousands of euros. It’s just not fair. Poor poor ADPD. Please vote for us,” said ADPD chairman Carmel Cacopardo – a member of the bushy-browed family of cacopards – in a video posted to Hi5 and filmed using an old Nokia phone.
The party also slammed the media for largely ignoring it.
“How can you overlook such a great slogan as ‘Green sweeps clean/xkupa ħadra tnaddaf’? Do you know how many hours of brainstorming it took us to come up with that? 10, which works out at roughly one hour per vote we’ll receive, because the system is unfair. Please vote for us – we’re begging you,” said long-time ADPD candidate Ralph Cassar, as he filled his trolley with cans of chickpeas at Smart Supermarket.
Cacopardo also scoffed at the idea of the party calling it a day to make room for a more competent left-wing party.
“Nonsense – we are the only party that respects the electorate and doesn’t treat it like a bunch of children. Also if you don’t vote for us you’re stupid,” he said.
Once the election result has been announced sometime on Sunday, this is the signal for ADPD members to return to their cave, cellar or basement and gorge themselves on food and self-pity for another half-decade.
“At least everyone’s hibernation space will be tidy, thanks to all the sweeping brushes we bought to brandish whenever we’re speaking in public. On the other hand, we blew our budget for the next election on those brushes, so we might be better off having an even longer hibernation than usual,” new ADPD candidate Sandra Gauci said.
