Archbishop Charles Scicluna has announced the Archdiocese of Malta will soon begin a breeding programme between priests and nuns to increase the populations of both vocations.
The programme, which has been endorsed by Pope Francis, is intended as a long-term solution to bump up the dwindling numbers of Maltese men and women willing to commit themselves to a life of devotion to God. According to the Curia, there were 536 priests in Malta in 2021, down from 879 in 1970.
Any offspring that result from the programme will be raised by the Church and groomed to be priests and nuns, depending on their sex.
The Archbishop admitted the project would not be a straightforward one.
“Given that we’ve been drilling this celibacy thing into anyone who feels a divine calling for the best part of a thousand years, it’s going to be a challenge to get the priests and nuns to mate with each other,” Scicluna told Bis-Serjetà.
“Another problem is that we aren’t exactly sure how this ‘mating’ thing works. Do we just put a priest and a nun in a room with some romantic music and wait until they make a baby?” he asked, adding that the Curia would be consulting conservationists from China.
“Hopefully what works for pandas will also work for the clergy.”
Scicluna insisted that only Maltese priests and nuns would be eligible to enter the programme.
“I have nothing against foreigners of course, and I know this significantly limits the pool of potential couples. But some people get upset by a Filipina in a bakery handling their panini, let alone a half-Indian, half-Nigerian priest telling them how to live a Christian life.”
The first breeding pair of the programme, Father Gilbert Spiteri, 42, and Sister Maria Gorgonzola, 74, said they were excited to be saviours of the Catholic Church.
“I can’t wait for our offspring to be born, be raised by clergymen and never interact with the outside world until they’re ready to bring the Word of God to the masses. I can’t imagine a more healthy upbringing,” Fr Spiteri said.
“I just hope I’m not too old and that my mate will like me enough to want to hold my hand for 30 seconds and pray that I get pregnant. That’s how babies are made, right?” Suor Gorgonzola said.
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