Bis-Serjetà, Malta’s most reliable news source, has confirmed suspicions that some of its stories have escaped and are appearing on other news websites.
Speaking in front of the Bis-Serjetà headquarters in Għarb, Gozo earlier this morning, managing editor Karl Stennienibarra read out the following statement:
“Because I’m a supernatural being who can see into the future, I’m able to write stories months in advance. In fact I wrote this story last March.
This precognitive approach to journalism (not to be confused with the more common journalistic practice of making things up) allows me to spend more time watching baking tutorials on Youtube when I should be fact checking.
These stories are then kept in a specially designed enclosure until the time comes for their controlled release into the news cycle.
A few months ago I left the office in a hurry after hearing that LIDL were selling electric hand-saws for 5 euro each. In my haste to grab discount power tools, I forgot to close the door of the enclosure.
This led to several Bis-Serjetà headlines escaping into the wild, where they have slowly been finding their way onto other news websites.
We were hoping to sweep the incident under the carpet, but the news this morning that Adrian Hillman has been appointed as a reputation manager for the Malta Gaming Authority means we have no choice but to come clean. Such a realistic story could only have come from Malta’s most serious news website.
I’d like to offer my sincere apologies to the general public for my reckless, negligent and deceitful actions. I would also like to tender my resignation, but am unable to do so since the word ‘resign’ doesn’t exist in the Maltese lexicon.
Should you spot a rogue headline that you think might belong to Bis-Serjetà, please do not contact us, as we’re frankly sick and tired of receiving messages and notifications.”
