Transport Minister Aaron Farrugia has claimed the government can do nothing to reduce the number of fatal car accidents on Maltese roads because of a pact made with a bloodthirsty Aztec god.
The Minister said his predecessor, Ian Borg, had entered into a pact with Aztec god of war and the sun Huitzilopochtli that required an unspecified number of road accident deaths to be offered to the latter each year as a sacrifice.
“It’s pointless asking me to increase enforcement of traffic rules or start a media campaign telling people to slow down and drive responsibly. My hands are tied. The blood god must be sated, or he will plunge Malta into eternal darkness,” Farrugia said while dressed as an Aztec priest
“On the contrary, we’re currently behind on this year’s sacrifice quota, so I encourage motorists to continue driving like maniacs. And if you run someone over, make sure to reverse over them to finish the job. The blood god must be sated,” he added.
Meanwhile, the Planning Authority has approved the construction of a skull-covered pyramid dedicated to Huitzilopochtli on top of Haġar Qim.
The government has also denied a freedom of information request to divulge the details of the blood pact, although an inside source said the length of the contract is 1,000 years. It is also unclear what Borg received in return.
“Rumour has it that Huitzilopochtli offered Borg immortality and a place in the Aztec pantheon, but instead he asked for a bigger swimming pool,” the source said.
