Karl Stennienibarra
A Maltese woman living in the UK wants to know whether she should buy a crossbow to improve her chances of surviving the aftermath of Brexit.
Carla Bonnici, who lives in Leeds, says she is reluctant to return to Malta, but would also prefer not to be robbed and murdered in the event that the UK turns into an apocalyptic wasteland after it crashes out of the EU with no deal.
“I just hate the uncertainty,” said Ms Bonnici, who has meticulously planned her escape route to the airport.
“And I know it sounds dramatic, but I’ve watched The Walking Dead, so I know how nasty people can turn when shit really hits the fan,” she said.
“British people are polite and everything, but you can bet they’d all turn into Negan or The Governor at the drop of a hat.”
Ms Bonnici said she has already ordered a baseball bat from Amazon, as she lives in a ground-floor flat.
“If I’m going to ward off bands of marauding raiders in the long-term, I’m going to need something more hardcore, like a crossbow. Aldi have them in the middle aisle at the moment.
“I also live near a large park, so a powerful ranged weapon would come in handy for hunting squirrels if all the food runs out. My bag of frozen pastizzi is massive but it won’t last forever.”
Meanwhile, the House of Commons is continuing its efforts to make Maltese politicians look competent by comparison.
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