Db Group, the company behind the proposed City Centre tower in Pembroke, have re-submitted plans for the controversial project to the Planning Authority, this time removing all trees and making the tower taller.
“After the permit was revoked last month, we realised we needed to go back to the drawing board,” said Db Group spokesman Lou Bondi.
“But despite our best efforts, we just couldn’t figure out why so many people were against the project. It’s big, it’s shiny, it’s expensive. So what was the problem?
“And then it hit us. How could we have been so blind? It was because the plans showed trees, and Maltese people hate trees. Why else would the government be removing so many of them all the time? After all, the government enacts the will of the people. Well, it enacts our will all the time, so we assume it enacts the public’s too.
So we’ve eliminated all greenery from the project. Trees, lawns, hedges, flower beds. We’ve replaced it all with more concrete and metal. Easiest thing in the world. In fact, it costs a lot of money to plant and maintain trees, so we’re more than happy to do away with them.
“What’s more, we’re increasing the height of the residential tower from 37 storeys to 50 storeys, so even more people will be able to see it even though they’ll never afford to live there.”
Bondi added that Db Group would be creating a community outreach program, in which it will chop down all trees in the surrounding area, free of charge.
“You’re welcome, Malta. Lou Bondi to the rescue once again.”
