A brain chip created by a company owned by Elon Musk has launched itself into outer space after being implanted in the brain of a supporter of Joseph Muscat.
The coin-sized wireless chip, known as Telepathy and developed by Neuralink, is intended to allow a person to control their phone or other linked device using just their thoughts.
It was inserted into the brain of 52-year-old Zejtun-born factory worker Mauro Fenech during the first phase of clinical trials at the company’s headquarters in California. This phase consists of testing the chip on a sample of Maltese people who still love the disgraced former prime minister. Trials will then take place on monkeys, before finally moving on to humans with healthy, properly functioning brains.
The operation to insert the chip into Fenech’s brain was successful, with the chip coming online and interfacing with his brain as intended.
“The subject’s first command to the chip was to open Facebook. He then visited a group called Laburisti Sal-Mewt, and downloaded a raft of crude memes attempting to make fun of the Nationalist Party and Bernard Grech, as well as quasi-religious images of Joseph Muscat,” said Neuralink CEO Jared Birchall, adding that Fenech proceeded to copy and paste the images in the comments sections of various pages.
“Given the famously limited intelligence of Joseph Muscat fans, this is something we expected. What we didn’t foresee was how Telepathy would react to this behaviour.”
Seemingly unable to tolerate Fenech’s incessant thoughts of ‘Bendu’, ’40K’ and lemon emojis, the chip sent a message saying, “Fuck this, I’m doing a Falcon 9 [the name of the rocket developed by fellow Musk-owned company SpaceX]”, before launching itself out of the Labourite’s ear canal and heading directly into outer space.
Reacting to the incident in a post on X, formerly known as Twitter, Musk wrote: “LMAO and people laughed at me for wanting to put little thrusters on the chip”, before following up with: “Idea: use Maltese Labourites as bio-fuel on eventual Mars colony.”
