A foetus who was present at Saturday’s anti-abortion rally in Valletta has begged to be aborted after listening to the protest leaders’ speeches.
The as-yet-unnamed female foetus was relaxing inside the womb of 29-year-old woman Laura Bugeja as she was in the capital to do some shopping.
As she walked through Republic Street, Bugeja stopped and listened to the speeches by prominent anti-abortion activists including Gordon John Manché, Matthew Grech, and Ivan Grech Mintoff, as well as renegade priest Fr David Muscat.
“I caught a few snatches of what they were saying. If those are the people defending my right to be born, then I don’t want to be born. Get that vacuum cleaner up here pronto,” the foetus said.
“What’s the point of being alive if I’d have to share oxygen with these fuckwits? I mean those gay conversion guys are clearly trapped in the closet, and that priest is obviously off his rocker and also a little bit fascist. Even I noticed that, and my brain isn’t even fully formed yet.”
The foetus was then reassured that there were good things in the world, such as sunsets, ice cream and Keanu Reeves.
“Well, OK, but I swear if I hear Matthew Grech’s stupid fake American accent quoting the Bible again I’ll strangle myself with the umbilical chord,” it said.
