Getting beaten to a pulp by bouncers is just part of the Paceville experience, Konrad Mizzi has reassured tourists.
The Tourism Minister was speaking after a young Polish man was hospitalised on Friday following a brutal, unprovoked assault by five bouncers on the main street of Paceville.
“I would like to reassure visitors to Malta that – together with downing 20 shots in five minutes and puking all over people’s doorsteps – being repeatedly kicked and punched by bouncers jacked up on steroids is part and parcel of the typical Paceville experience, and has been for many years,” the minister said.
“I’ve taken a couple of beatings myself, but my skin is made of rubber so I don’t get hurt.”
Mizzi added that, aside from being traditional, the practice also had a functional purpose.
“It’s impossible to enjoy Paceville music without having a brain hemorrhage, so these Maltese and Serbian thugs who probably have a criminal record back home are providing a vital public service,” he noted.
“I’d also like to thank our police force for preserving our customs by bravely being nowhere near the incident.”
Conceding that not everyone who went to Paceville wanted to go home with broken ribs, Mizzi said that the best way to avoid being beaten up was to avoid any eye contact with bouncers, and to stay at least 100 metres away from them.
“The smell of raw meat also gets them riled up so make sure you don’t have any in your pockets,” he warned.
Mizzi concluded by saying that, if for some weird reason people really didn’t want to get beaten to a pulp, they should instead go to Imdina, which had a much more sedate atmosphere.
“Although, having said that, you can pay 20 euro to have a man dressed in armour decapitate you and sling your headless body off the bastions. Visit Malta.”
