God has ended his decades-long association with the Nationalist Party, after becoming exasperated by the continued infighting.
The Almighty has been a PN ally since the party was founded back in 1926. But during a press conference on Mount Sinai this morning, He said he was thoroughly fed up with the civil war being waged between leader Adrian Delia and the party’s old guard.
“When I first met the Nationalist Party, I’d been searching for 2,000 years for a new group to replace the Jews as my chosen people,” God began.
“The PN and I have had some great times over the years. And I’ve always helped them out whenever I can, like when I got my good buddy Archbishop Micky G to say voting Labour was a mortal sin. Those were the days.
“I even stuck by them when they let me down, like when they lost the divorce referendum. That one hurt,” he said.
“But the constant bickering that’s going on now is really getting on my tits. At first I tried to pick a side, but frankly they’re all wankers and I no longer wish to be associated with such a train wreck of a party.
“I mean seriously, is it so hard for them to go an entire day without being at each others’ throats? They do realise it’s their job to oppose those heathens in government, not themselves, right? And what’s all this business about a guy coming out of a coma and spilling the beans on Delia? Is this a fucking Mexican soap opera or something?
“Tonio Fenech can say as many Missiernas and Sliemas as he likes, but I won’t be coming back. And no amount of anti-abortion campaigning will make me change my mind either.
The Lord added that PN will no longer be able to refer to itself as a Christian Democrat party, while the word ‘Religio’ must be removed from the party’s ‘Religio et Patria’ motto.
“I suspect Patria might not be sticking around for much longer either,” He said.
“Anyway, I’m done. Too much drama man. Peace out.”
