A Maltese foetus has come forward to say it does not want to be born.
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The foetus said it felt compelled to speak out after Opposition leader Bernard Grech agreed with Peppi Azzopardi’s suggestion for unborn foetuses to be represented by a lawyer in court.
“I’m sorry, but what crack are these people smoking? It’s like someone dropped them on their heads when they were born,” the foetus said.
“And while we’re talking about birth, has anyone thought to ask me if I actually want to be born? Well, I don’t. I’ve heard about all the awful stuff that goes on out there – war, famine, Ron Briffa hosting another talk show – and frankly I’d prefer to be sent to the void instead. At least the cost of not-living is cheap.
“If I am born, fuck it, nothing I can do about it. I’m just floating around here bumming oxygen and nutrients. But either way, I won’t hold a grudge against my mum, either for aborting me or for bringing me into a world where Mario Philip Azzopardi gets to put on plays.”
The foetus also weighed in on the philosophical debate on when life starts.
“It’s a fact that life starts as soon as sperm is ejaculated. So when Ivan Grech Mintoff cums into a crusty old sock, he should know he’s committing mass murder on an unimaginable scale,” it said.
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