Robert Abela has offered to personally clean the toilets of disaffected Labour supporters in exchange for their vote.
Several polls show that a significant number of people will stay home on election day this Saturday. Thousands of voting documents also remain uncollected.
Addressing Labour supporters who are planning on abstaining, Abela said:
“I’m sorry if the party has disappointed you in some way, and I’d like to make it up to you in any way I can. I will do literally anything. If you ask me to come to your house, get on my knees and clean your toilet, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Not with a brush, but using only my mouth, just to show you how much I mean it.”
“I’m serious – I will lick the toilet bowl clean, no matter how dirty it is. I will reach under the rim with my tongue and use it to scrub those hard-to-reach places you’ve never even cleaned yourself,” he added.
Abela also offered to wear a leash if he was asked to.
“And after I’ve made sure there isn’t a single fleck of dried shit left, you can slam the lid shut on my head and call me a stupid square-jawed cunt. Just please, please, don’t let me be the leader who blows Labour’s majority,” he said.
While several Labour supporters said they would take the Prime Minister up on his offer, others were less impressed.
“This isn’t the sort of leadership I’m used to. I couldn’t imagine Joseph Muscat offering to clean my toilet with his mouth. In fact, I once wiped Michelle’s ass and it’s one of my fondest memories,” said one Labourite.
