A jellyfish is coming to Malta specifically to sting you, Bis-Serjetà can reveal.
The mauve stinger is part of a large swarm of jellyfish currently heading to Malta from the Western Mediterranean.
“Know this, my nemesis – the next time you decide to take a dip in the sea, even if it’s just your little toe, I’ll be there, waiting to strike. Whether it’s Golden Bay or St Thomas Bay, there’s nowhere you can swim where my tentacles can’t reach you,” the pelagia noctiluca said in a direct message to you.
The jellyfish did not elaborate on why it has a personal grudge against you specifically.
“I don’t have to tell you why I’m coming for you. You know full well what you did, and I think that, deep down, you always knew how it would end,” it said.
The mauve stinger also pleaded with prominent marine biologist Alan Deidun not to get involved.
“Alan, you know I’ve always respected you, so please don’t interfere. If you stand in my way, I won’t hesitate to sting you as well.
The mauve stinger also wished to clear up any misconceptions regarding the best way to treat a jellyfish sting.
“By far the most effective way to reduce the pain of a sting is to pour petrol on it and set it on fire. Promise to Jesus,” it said.
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