Disgraced former Prime Minister Joseph Muscat has included the gullibility of Maltese people in his declaration of assets.
Following his resignation as a member of parliament last October, Muscat yesterday submitted his final declaration, which also included €256,000 in bank deposits, a marked increase from the never-changing balance of €75,000 he had reported in previous years.
“I may have a quarter of a million euros in the bank, a couple of properties, and…ahemm… other assets that I forgot to include, but by far my most valuable asset has always been the gullibility of Maltese people,” Muscat said of the asset that allowed him to win back-to-back elections.
“You could offer me all the secret offshore accounts in the world, but I wouldn’t trade them for the ease with which Maltese people can be tricked into supporting someone whose express purpose was, from the very start, to stick his snout in the trough. All I had to do was create an Obama-style election campaign, learn a bit of public speaking, and the morons made a cult of personality out of me.”
Muscat, who says he started investing in the asset in the run-up to the 2013 election, said he was comfortable with these statements being made public because he knew his supporters would continue to idolise him.
“Even now, when it’s painfully clear I was involved in all the filth, you have people saying ‘Miskin, he was deceived by Keith and Konrad’. I sometimes have to rub my eyes to make sure I’m not dreaming. I’m tempted to release a video of me saying I own Egrant and confessing to Daphne’s murder to see how many ‘Prosit Prims’ I get. I might even shoot Habiba Perla for good measure.”
The ex-PM expressed his confidence that should the police ever try to arrest him, his “mob of loyal fuckwits” would form a crowd to shield him.
“The noose may be getting ever tighter, but good luck trying to get through a wall of rabid Laburisti before I make it to my private jet. Assalam alikum suckers.”
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