Lidl has announced it will be arming all staff across its stores in Malta with guns and batons from tomorrow.
With the first case of Covid-19 being confirmed in Malta this morning, the discount supermarket chain is eager to avoid a repeat of the Coronavirus-induced panic-buying that took place two weeks ago.
“The government has given us permission to use lethal force against anyone who takes the piss,” Lidl’s regional store manager for Malta, Marco Iannucci told Bis-Serjetà as he showed off the Luqa store’s arsenal of pistols, rifles, shotguns and batons.
“Either you act like a civilised human being and buy normal amounts of toilet paper or you get a bullet in the head. We aren’t fucking around,” he warned.
“I can’t wait to use my baton to beat the shit out of Maltese people fighting over the last bag of frozen ravioli. It’ll be my revenge for all the xenophobia I’ve been facing recently,” said shelf-stacker Giovanni Rossi.
As part of the plans, cashpoints have been reinforced with sandbags and Claymore anti-personnel mines.
“If anyone approaches with an overflowing trolley, they’re getting a face full of shrapnel,” store assistant Cristina Bianchi said.
Meanwhile, the owner of Green’s supermarket in Swieqi said the store would not be introducing similarly heavy-handed measures.
“Unlike Lidl, our establishment doesn’t attract riff-raff. But if there’s any sort of trouble, we’ll simply tell people to stop acting like such ħamalli and share the organic baba ganoush,” he insisted.
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