Malta has been given the green light to receive the official title of banana republic.
The decision was made by the Banana Republic And Tinpot Dictatorship Taskforce (BRTDTF) after months of negotiations with the Maltese government.
Malta joins countries such as Panama, Nicaragua and Myanmar in being officially recognised for its efforts to be as corrupt as possible.
While the membership process is secretive, it is believed Malta clinched its place after failing its FATF assessment yesterday. A previous attempt by the government to bribe the BRTF into certifying the country several months ago was successful, but the organisation then reneged on its promise and kept the money.
Reacting to the announcement, Prime Minister Robert Abela praised Malta for its achievement.
“Over the past eight years, this government has worked hard to destroy state institutions in an egomaniacal quest for prolonged power, while allowing the business class to ride roughshod over the population. Today, I am proud to say our hard work has been acknowledged by the international pariah community. I would like to thank my predecessor, Joseph Muscat, for doing the bulk of the work, his accomplices Keith Schembri and Konrad Mizzi, and the handful of ministers who disapproved of what was happening for standing by and staying silent. Finally, my biggest thanks goes to you, the Maltese public, without whose ignorance and docility we would not have been able to get away with it.
“Also from now on I shall be known as El Presidente.”
As part of Malta’s membership, the George Cross on the country’s flag will be replaced by a banana, while it will also host a Chinese nuclear missile base.
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