Melita has installed dial-up internet in Baħrija.
The tiny village in the west of Malta was, until today, the only remaining place in the country not connected to the internet.
But now, Baħrija’s residents- who are forbidden from leaving the village on pain of death – will be able to access the World Wide Web from a single Intel Pentium III computer running Windows 98, which has been installed in the local council building.
“We have always been reluctant to allow knowledge from the outside world to disrupt our simple agrarian lifestyle. But the other village elders and I believe it is now time to let the youths search the vast expanse of cyberspace for ways to improve our crop yields,” mayor Charles Azzopardi said at a ceremony held earlier this evening to mark the momentous occasion.
Azzopardi added that access to the internet would be strictly regulated, with residents having to examine the entrails of a freshly slaughtered goat to determine whether they are worthy to log in. If they will then be allowed to browse for 10 minutes, or the time it takes for one page to load when using dial-up.
During the turning-on ceremony, several residents who were watching in the village square fled in terror at the sound of the 56K modem connecting to the web, believing it to be the voice of Satan.
Indeed, many Baħrijans had been opposed to the introduction of dial-up to their village.
“Mark my words – this devilry will bring untold suffering unto Baħrija. Fields will turn fallow, cows will produce acid instead of milk, and children will be born with no limbs. No to dial-up!” village herbalist Salvu Bezzina told Bis-Serjetà.
The introduction of dial-up follows the installation of a television last year.
