Boy, it sure is hot, isn’t it? As Energy Minister, it’s my job to make sure you’re all energised despite the apocalyptic conditions outside, so here are five ways you can beat this infernal heat.
Drink plenty of water
This seems like an obvious one, but staying hydrated is crucial during these periods of extremely hot weather. Aim to drink at least two litres of water a day.
Turn off your AC, fans, all other appliances and lights
It may seem logical to turn on your air conditioner when the temperature becomes unbearable. But air conditioners actually generate heat when they operate, which is the complete opposite of what we want.
The same even applies to fans, and all other electrical appliances and electronic devices, as well as lights (ever tried touching a switched-on light bulb? Ouch!). You should turn all these things off and unplug them just to be on the safe side.
Don’t complain
As the thermometer goes past 35 degrees, it’s common for tempers to flare. Road rage incidents happen more often, and some people even start complaining about the government. This is highly counterproductive, as getting angry will make your internal temperature rise. And in any case, the government hasn’t done anything worth complaining about. A power cut? How do you know about that? Didn’t you follow the advice above?
Instead, cool yourself down by saying ‘Grazzi ministru.’ You’ll instantly feel 10 times better.
Drink water!
Seriously, I can’t emphasise this enough. Just make sure it isn’t cold water, because that means your fridge is still switched on.
Drop dead
“Wait, if I switch off my AC and fans, how will I stay cool?” I hear you ask. Well, how did our ancestors stay cool during intense heat waves before electricity was invented? That’s right, they died.
Dying is a great way to beat the heat, the cold, and any other extreme weather event. And with this selfless act, you’ll also be easing the burden on the country’s infrastructure. Not that there’s a problem with the country’s infrastructure, of course.
Now go take a bath and drop your toaster in the tub.
A-ha! That was a trick question to make sure you unplugged your toaster. Go inhale your car’s exhaust fumes. Er… I mean, drive your electric car off a cliff.
Miriam Dalli is the Minister for Environment, Energy and Enterprise
