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New OPM chief of staff panics after ‘murdering’ fly

Karl Stennienibarra

Clyde Caruana, the new chief of staff of Prime Minister Robert Abela, is in a state of panic after killing a fly.

Caruana was in the middle of an interview with Bis-Serjetà in his office on the third floor of Castille when the common house fly flew in through an open window.

After flying around Caruana’s head for several minutes, the fly landed on his desk. The former JobsPlus CEO instinctively swatted at it with his right hand, fatally crushing it beneath his fingers.

“Oh God, what have I done?” Caruana said while staring at his hand in wide-eyed horror.

“This is how it starts. Today a harmless insect. Tomorrow a journalist.

“I just…flipped, you know? It wouldn’t leave me alone. Buzz buzz buzz. You saw it land on that photo of my wife and kids at one point. It crossed a line. I didn’t think I’d actually manage to hit it. Flies are usually so quick. This office must have an evil aura that makes people do unspeakable things.

“Out, damned spot!” he yelled before vigorously wiping the fly’s mangled body from his hand with a tissue, after which he began pacing nervously around the room.

“OK Clyde, calm down, breathe. In…and out. There, that’s better. Now, I need to hide the body. I can’t do it myself though. Too risky. I need a middleman. If only I hadn’t fired Neville so hastily. Does Kenneth ta’ Kastilja still work here or did we fire him too?”

After deciding to dispose of the corpse himself, Caruana then rolled up the dead fly in the tissue he had used to wipe his hand on, before putting it in the very bottom of a dustbin and covering it with papers.

“That should do it. But I should tell Robert to appoint a sympathetic police commissioner, just in case it ever gets out and we need to interfere with investigations. It won’t though. I’m smarter than Keith. Now, you’d better leave before this room makes me kill you too.”

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