Prime Minister Robert Abela was admitted to hospital this evening, after disgraced former prime minister Joseph Muscat inserted his arm too far up his colon.
The incident occurred when Abela was being used as a hand-puppet by Muscat while the Prime Minister was speaking to journalists before an event at Labour’s headquarters this evening.
As The Times’ Jacob Borg approached Abela, Muscat could be seen walking up behind him, before pulling down Abela’s trousers and thrusting his arm vigorously into his rectum.
Under Muscat’s direction, Abela told Borg that his predecessor still had more to offer the Labour Party, following rumours that he could be a candidate in the European Parliament elections in June.
Abela then winced, and proceeded to cast doubt on the integrity of the magisterial inquiry investigating potential corruption and money laundering by Muscat before speculating that the inquiry’s impending conclusion could be timed to damage Labour’s chances at the EP election.
It was at this point that Abela began to turn pale, as blood trickled down his leg. Shortly after, the Prime Minister fainted and an ambulance was called.
Upon his arrival at Mater Dei Hospital, doctors diagnosed Abela with a severely ruptured colon. His condition was described as life threatening.
“When you have someone who’s as full of shit as the Prime Minister is, it’s difficult to prevent it from infecting the rest of the body when it all seeps out,” a surgeon told Bis-Serjetà
A source in the Labour Party said that while Muscat often used Abela as his mouthpiece, he did not usually insert his arm that far in.
“He normally stops at the anus, but he’s been getting antsy about the conclusion of the inquiry and must have felt like he needed to take full control of Abela.”
Meanwhile, at the time of writing, Muscat was pacing up and down the corridor outside the operating theatre, muttering that doctors had better “fix my puppet.”
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