New Prime Minister Robert Abela and his wife Lydia have carried out their first official copulation session on the desk of his Auberge de Castille office.
The First Inaugural Bang, as it is known, is performed by every new Maltese prime minister and their spouse upon being sworn in by the president. The tradition was started by Dom Mintoff in 1955.
After greeting the adoring crowd and ascending the steps of Castille, the couple headed straight to the Prime Minister’s office on the third floor. As per tradition, they were joined by a select handful of journalists and members of parliament, as well as the Archbishop.
Once AFM soldiers had closed the door from the outside, the Abelas went straight to business.
Dispensing with the customary foreplay (Lawrence and Kate Gonzi had famously spent five hours on this part of the Bang), Robert immediately removed his clothes to reveal a physique that, while showing the signs of age, still hinted at his body-building past.
After ripping off Lydia’s clothes, Robert picked her up, roughly placed her similarly mature-yet-attractive body face-up on the antique mahogany desk and entered her, timing his thrusts to the chants of ‘Robert! Robert! Robert!’ coming from Castille Square, occasionally slowing down for the more sedate ‘Robert tagħna il-mexxej! Alleluja!’
Three minutes later and followed by a long, caveman-like grunt from Robert, proceedings were over. After putting his clothes back on, Abela shook hands with his father, as per tradition.
MPs who had attended previous First Inaugural Bangs described the Abelas’ session as ‘functional’.
“Thank God we didn’t have a repeat of Joseph and Michelle’s antics. The entire room had to be redecorated – hence the plastic sheets this time around – and several MPs less accustomed to this sort of thing than myself ended up needing therapy,” said Chris Cardona.
Abela will now proceed to the next phase of the tradition: fucking the entire country.
