Minister for Foreign Affairs Evarist Bartolo has written to the European Union to ask if they can take the 425 migrants previously detained on Captain Morgan boats, now that the government has been forced to bring them onto land.
The migrants – many of whom had been at sea for five weeks – were brought in after reportedly becoming aggressive.
“Hey guys. Soooooo about these migrants. We know that we – the smallest member state – tried to strong-arm you – a union of 26 larger nations – into taking them. No hard feelings, right?” begins Bartolo’s letter, which he also shared on his Facebook page.
“We’re a pretty new administration so we’re still getting to grips with this diplomacy thing. How could we have known that trying to blackmail you would fail spectacularly? Or that the migrants would get antsy after being detained for a prolonged period on overcrowded boats battered by gale-force winds, while in sight of land?”
“Honestly, I thought all those Facebook videos of me doing a sad face would sway you. But nope, you didn’t budge. Maybe I should’ve done a Tiktok video of me miming ‘Help!’ by The Beatles.
“Look, a lot of people are angry at us right now – racists, lefties, everyone in between – so you’d be doing us a massive favour by taking them all. Please? Pretty please with sugar on top? We promise we’ll be good from now on. I’ll even try to undo the scapegoating I did of the EU by telling people you’re actually pretty cool.
“Anyway, we hope our antics over the past few weeks won’t make it harder to negotiate with you in future. Yours sincerely, Varist.”
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